THE SAVVY SOCCER MUM

Ok, so you're a mother or father of boys. Welcome to the fold! Especially if, like me, that makes you the solitary female in your household - a footy mad household at that!
Fortunately, I was a tomboy and played as a child. So, welcome too, to anyone who has football-loving daughters. Thank goodness they're able to play the game now, whereas in. my day, there was uproar when I shunned netball for the beautiful game in PE lessons. I even went so far as to buy loads of bubble gum packets with each week's pocket money so I could fill my sticker book with pictures of Bob Latchford (Everton?) and Kevin Keegan!

Now, my children play - and boy is it a serious business! It took a while to understand the intricacies of being offside or the variations on the rules that apply to Under 10s teams. But I've come a long way since I first signed up my eldest son to play for a local youth team. So, here are the mud-splattered tips that I've picked up on the way.

1) GIVE THEM A HEAD START
Whether you sign them up to a local Saturday fun club like SCL or PSR Coaching or maybe a local professional team has a kids' coaching section that comes to your children's school, it helps to get in plenty of practice in the garden or the local playing fields beforehand.  This gives you a chance to explain the basic rules, instil a bit of "it's only a game" ethos into them, before they flounce off at every miss-kick and might mean you have to be keeper - always a joy!  Especially as they learn to put real power behind their shots and you end up winded, eyes watering, congratulating them on their skills!

2) THE NEXT STAGE
It doesn't take long for them to outgrow the Saturday coaching sessions - maybe by the age of six or seven. Then they'll increasingly want to play matches rather than have endless skills sessions and this is where the fun really starts - for them & for you as chauffeur, kit provider and chief bottle washer!  Via word of mouth and Google, find out where your nearest local youth team trains. This is of huge consequence because you'll be gaining a collossal carbon footprint as it is traipsing up and down the county to weekend matches. So to be able to pop down the road to weekly or twice weekly training sessions is a bonus - I wish I'd thought of this before I signed the dotted line!

3)  CHIN UP!
Once you've chosen a team, phone up and find out when the team trials are taking place.  These are usually sometime in the summer to prepare for the start of the season in September.  But bear in mind that there are some really talented kids out there and your child might not get selected.  Don't give up though!  Children move away or get scouted to play for a club that's higher in the league so try out for other clubs with lots of teams in different divisions to suit all abilities.

4)  RULES FOR GROWN UPS
The aim of the game is for your child to learn about fair play, losing and winning gracefully, sticking to the rules and to, hopefully, ward off adding to the obesity statistics into the bargain. So it helps if you're a calming influence on the sidelines rather than a ranting, swearing ref-hating crisis on legs!  There are, in fact, strict guidelines on how supporters should behave while their child, niece, nephew or neighbour is playing so bear these in mind or the opposition coach can have a word with your team's coach and it all gets a bit embarassing.  There is also a fee to pay, kit to buy and strict guidelines - similar to adult football - on your child moving to another club etc.

5)  AL FRESCO
It goes without saying that you'll need boots, gloves, hats, coats and a flask either of the hip variety or containing something caffeinated to keep you going while you cheer on your side.  Or wait for play to start. Or warm up after learning how to build the goal posts. But bear in mind that while the male of the species can make do with an overgrown tree, few local football grounds have decent facilities of the lavatorial kind! It's worth recce'ing local pubs and coffee shops in advance. They're also a good place to venture too if you can't take watching anymore - especially if your team is losing!

6)  THE SILVER LINING
Ok, so you're out of pocket; you've lost your weekend lie-ins and seem to be perpetually washing horrible nylon fabric or trying to get shin pads clean (at this, I am STILL at a loss!) but, with any luck, you've made some new friends amongst the other MADS - the parental version of WAGS.  But most of all, there is nothing like the glory of watching your child revel in the fact that they've just scored, or their team has just won, or they've saved a certain goal or gained the man-of-the-match trophy or, if all else fails, gained recognition for fair play.  For that moment, to coin a phrase, it's all worth it!