I wrote something for the website HaveaLovelyTime.com
Please feel free to leave your comments after you've clicked on the link above and cast a glance.
Thanks!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
22) Is state schooling best?
A good friend of mine has just installed her seven-year-old daughter in private school. Each to his or her own, of course. But.... we could have shared both the school run and several more coffees/glasses of wine if she'd stayed put and hadn't been too busy sewing name tapes on to expensive blazers and skirts to come out and play. Aside from the fact that I'd rather spend our hard-earned cash on family holidays, nice shoes and handbags, I also believe that we should keep our children in state schools so that we can keep the pressure on local authorities to keep these schools good. However, I understand her reasons for doing what she's done - small class sizes, continuity of education as they're a military family who move a lot etc. I just worry about the pressure she's putting on her daughter as well as the social and financial burden it's putting on her family.
We're lucky. Where we live, the primary schools are mostly good. It gets trickier at secondary school because many of them are in a no-man's-land and are not a natural feeder to any of the 'big' schools. Many of those comprehensives are MASSIVE: 1200 pupils in each. One of the secondary schools in the nearest town has no sixth form, which is sometimes a clincher for people who want the continuity of their child studying for A'Levels there too. Another is a sports' specialist school. As such, school hours are a bit different, and if your child isn't into sport, that's a no-go. The other secondary school has a large percentage of pupils for whom English isn't their first language - another feature that makes some parents pause for thought, no matter how cosmopolitan they claim to be. Then there's the school that is on special measures, so a neighbouring head teacher has just been asking to take it on, as well as his own, in order to improve its performance. Does that mean that the new school he's working at is the place to opt for because it will have just pulled up its socks? We're in the catchment for his old school, but will he still have his eye on the ball there?
Fortunately, I don't have to think about this for my elder son, until next October. But it's such an important decision - something that people move house for - that we're thinking about it early. Fortunately too, we simply can't afford the private school option, otherwise we'd be even more confused. But even if we could afford it, reasonable schools are available locally and if we can get it for free I think we should. Not just because we're tight-fisted either. Having been to a small, minor private school myself (and maybe this is the real reason....) I found the big leap to university unnerving. I'd rather my children were used to being small fish in a big pond so that they are more confident and able to cope in what is a big and competitive world.
My main worry is bullying. You'll get bullies anywhere - but I've yet to come across anywhere that deals with it effectively. For a start, if someone's bullying you, the advice is to tell someone. Inevitably, the bully finds out that you've dobbed them in. So how are they going to react? They're going to pick on you even more for getting them into trouble. And I guess sheer numbers and sheer space suggest that there will be more bullies if your children are at a bigger school. So the importance of your child getting in with a good crowd of friends that can protect and absorb any threats from undesirables is a huge one. But how to foster that when parents have so little involvement in secondary schooling? Gone are the PTA meetings, social events and coffee mornings at many places. From what mothers of older children have told me, your son or daughter tells you they're going home with a friend after school and often you've never heard of them, have no idea where they live or what they're like. Your "I'm not a snob but I am really" hackles start to rise!
That's why my friend - in fact, three of my friends - have opted for private school. More attention, less chance of getting beaten up. But is it worth it for the lack of competition from 'normal' people that you'll face every day in adulthood and working life? Is facing up to bullies a rite of passage that nearly every child has to go through? There seem to be so many websites out there for new mums but none for new mums of tweenagers! Any tips?
We're lucky. Where we live, the primary schools are mostly good. It gets trickier at secondary school because many of them are in a no-man's-land and are not a natural feeder to any of the 'big' schools. Many of those comprehensives are MASSIVE: 1200 pupils in each. One of the secondary schools in the nearest town has no sixth form, which is sometimes a clincher for people who want the continuity of their child studying for A'Levels there too. Another is a sports' specialist school. As such, school hours are a bit different, and if your child isn't into sport, that's a no-go. The other secondary school has a large percentage of pupils for whom English isn't their first language - another feature that makes some parents pause for thought, no matter how cosmopolitan they claim to be. Then there's the school that is on special measures, so a neighbouring head teacher has just been asking to take it on, as well as his own, in order to improve its performance. Does that mean that the new school he's working at is the place to opt for because it will have just pulled up its socks? We're in the catchment for his old school, but will he still have his eye on the ball there?
Fortunately, I don't have to think about this for my elder son, until next October. But it's such an important decision - something that people move house for - that we're thinking about it early. Fortunately too, we simply can't afford the private school option, otherwise we'd be even more confused. But even if we could afford it, reasonable schools are available locally and if we can get it for free I think we should. Not just because we're tight-fisted either. Having been to a small, minor private school myself (and maybe this is the real reason....) I found the big leap to university unnerving. I'd rather my children were used to being small fish in a big pond so that they are more confident and able to cope in what is a big and competitive world.
My main worry is bullying. You'll get bullies anywhere - but I've yet to come across anywhere that deals with it effectively. For a start, if someone's bullying you, the advice is to tell someone. Inevitably, the bully finds out that you've dobbed them in. So how are they going to react? They're going to pick on you even more for getting them into trouble. And I guess sheer numbers and sheer space suggest that there will be more bullies if your children are at a bigger school. So the importance of your child getting in with a good crowd of friends that can protect and absorb any threats from undesirables is a huge one. But how to foster that when parents have so little involvement in secondary schooling? Gone are the PTA meetings, social events and coffee mornings at many places. From what mothers of older children have told me, your son or daughter tells you they're going home with a friend after school and often you've never heard of them, have no idea where they live or what they're like. Your "I'm not a snob but I am really" hackles start to rise!
That's why my friend - in fact, three of my friends - have opted for private school. More attention, less chance of getting beaten up. But is it worth it for the lack of competition from 'normal' people that you'll face every day in adulthood and working life? Is facing up to bullies a rite of passage that nearly every child has to go through? There seem to be so many websites out there for new mums but none for new mums of tweenagers! Any tips?
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