(Throwback to the hot summer of July 2015)
Take one frazzled washed up old hack who’s under various work and home pressures. Add heavy rucksack containing emergency rations, packed lunch including yoghurt that might burst, water bottle and precious laptop.Place in tin can on rails marketed as underground train and mix with other frazzled assorted sweaty humans under other different, unspoken pressures.
Shake or lurch from side to side from time to time and broil for 20 mins at medium speed or for the length of time it takes to get from X to Y on the line coloured murky brown on maps.
Adorn with free Metro publication teasingly laden with images of kids splashing about in fountains. Once lulled into comfort-dom, screech to a halt for ultimate rude awakening.
Tip out onto platform and pummel into single amorphous mass heading in different directions desperate to get to next train on time. Squeeze onto another vessel that resembles more of a greased muffin tin, marketed as overground train, and allow to ferment while edging towards available seats. Apply air conditioning.
Stop at second station for seemingly no reason. Don’t make any tannoy announcements. Permit main ingredient to curse loudly and blood pressure to rise gradually. Rumble onwards and spill out innards at final destination 10 minutes over usual cooking time. Serve with Cappuccino and sprinkling of cocoa. An acquired taste!
