8) HOME SWEET HOME

"All I want is a room somewhere
Far away from the cold night air
With one enormous chair
Oh wouldn't it be luvverly."

I often hum that song when I'm online, searching property 'porn' for our dream home. We've found it several times, as I shall explain, but in my usual calamitous fashion, things have gone awry at the last minute.

Having lived in rented houses for the last seven years, getting our own place is hugely significant. We want to be able to redecorate and hang things on the walls without having to put it all back to how it was in a while. But, more importantly, we want to become part of a community - something that seems to take seven years to establish, especially in Britain.

The first house we put in an offer on was taken off the market after the separated couple who owned it got back together. We put in a cheeky offer on a second house, which was perfect inside but lacked a big enough garden, and were pipped to the post by someone who offered the full asking price.

Then we compromised on road noise because a bungalow was in the perfect village location - only to find via the HIP report and several calls to the local council, that neighbouring properties had been bought up by a developer and it would soon turn into a building site. So we withdrew our offer. Then I got an email from the same estate agent, informing me that the property was back on the market - followed by a hasty apology after I hit 'reply' and said, yes I know, we put it there! To my immense surprise, the big boss of the estate agency then rang me and had the temerity to ask what it would take for us to change our minds about withdrawing our offer. He seemed surprised when I asked, "Would you want to live on a building site? In what was formerly a quiet cul-de-sac and was now being turned into an estate with seven houses where two bungalows existed?" He said it would only be for about six months and then all would be well. He just didn't get it. And he's in the business. I felt like referring the honourable (?) gentleman to my previous post on disliked individuals.

So we've now reached chapter four in our house hunt: We made a reasonable offer on a gorgeous bungalow, in the wrong part of town (but that was our Location, Location Location-inspired compromise - there always has to be one apparently), only to find that the owner wanted a £2000 mutual deposit and contract signed which (a) consisted of various points that should happen in the normal course of events anyway and (b) so that we would adhere to some kind of unrealistic time schedule. So, again, we had to pull out.

I know houses are in short supply at the moment, but should it be this difficult? It's seriously tempting to throw in the towel. But we've decided to wait until after Christmas and stick to our list of requirements and just persist. Our list is simply: Character features, garden, garage or off-road parking, village near to current and prospective schools, park or field nearby for essential football playing, walking distance to shops, near train station if at all possible. Now I know that property exists but is £100K out of our price range, so playing the lottery is also on our to-do list! Meanwhile...

I know that's slightly more than a room somewhere with a huge Lemsip-advert style chair but is that too much to ask?